anatomy of a chicken bus

as promised, the highly anticipated chicken bus issue. so, what are they? the c-bus is your traditional thomsasbuilt or bluebird school bus, most of them are late '80s, early '90s models that have been brought down from the states. you still occasionally see one that hasn't been 'pimped' that has crawford i.s.d. in good old black and yellow. once these buslines here get a hold of them, a metamorphisis occurs. they paint the whole thing with flashy colors, blues, reds, oranges, throw mudflaps on the back, put the trite and true sexy girl silohuetes everywhere, a luggage rack on top, luggage cages inside, and a sobriquet in bold text on the winshield for good measure. you'd think every bus would have a different name, but i've seen 3 esmeraldas and 2 ruiz's back to back. i think those are the most popular names for their respective genders. now then, each chicken bus is equipped with a driver and what i call 'the steward' or the 'déleman.' the driver drives, but the steward collects money from the passengers, fastens large cargo to the top of the bus, helps women off the bus, and most importantly navigates close quarters turns and reversals. for example, in antigua, most of the roads are narrow, one way or limited access. almost always the buses have to pull into the intersection, backup, and then cut the wheels again to make the turn. i call the steward the 'déleman' because he yells ¡déle! all day long as the bus backs up and readjusts. (i hear this from my window as early as 5am) as for the one-way and limited access dilemma , to save time, the buses will pull onto the street and then back up for a block or more to get to the stop. (to me this destroys the purpose of having 'limited' access or 'one' way, but hey) this segues well to the next piece. these buses are perpetually in a hurry. my understanding is that the driver pays a flat fee for a day's worth of bus use, anything over that goes into the pocket. this system is the motivation for both the driver and steward to lay on the horn in busy intersections, practically throw people off the bus, collect the money in transit, rather than at the stops, and to overtake slower traffic going uphill on blind turns. you'd hope i was exaggerating for sake of an interesting post, but truly these guys are crazy. maybe in a sporty muscle car i'd be brash enough to try some of these maneuvers, but these guys are doing it in a 40' over-capacity, lumbering rectangle. most of the time they actually get back in their lane in time for the oncoming traffic, but i've been in buses or microbuses that have been essentially run off the shoulder during these traffic violations, but it seems like everyone drives like that here. oh! and here you go, they pack these things deep! they'll have 3 people in a seat and the isle completely full of standing passengers and still pick people up to stand in the front between the driver and the door. the cool thing i guess, is that you can go pretty much anywhere for 2.50Q, this is like 30 cents, but you put your life in their hands. you regularly hear about overturned buses, or búses volcados, and usually the driver flees the scene to avoid questioning or charges from the police. but still, what a bargain ride! and these things go everywhere. i have yet to be on any road for more than 5 minutes and not see at least one chicken bus fly by. and lastly...the name chicken bus, called so because it's not uncommon to be in the bus and see chickens stowed in the luggage racks and when those are full, folks just carry them upside down with their feet tied clucking around all the while. sometimes after a firey wreck, i'm like hmmm, something smells good....ok, bad joke.